I Can See My Shadow, Everyday & Everybody Blinks, All The Time

I saw the light and put that window to my right down all the way. I pressed the gas, harder. I outstretched my arm and made my machine ready. I didn’t even look at it or through it. I don’t need to anymore. When I needed to, I pressed the button, harder.

Somewhere this very night, there were two men, shirtless, pantless, barefoot & not angry in a field of tall green grass all burnt black with a single light shining down upon them all in yellow. These two men were fighting, these two men were trying to fucking beat one another with all their might. The blood and broken bones meant nothing any more, all that mattered was the breath in their hearts for they each wanted the others.

I had only ever been to two operas so far. Both at the Met, both with a woman, each a different woman, both times made me cry, years and years apart. The first hadn’t been planned. I had planned a grand romantic night that involved a play. Thirty minutes before that curtain, we learned the actress we came to see roll around in her underwear, would not perform this night. Annoyed, I grabbed my true loves hand, left the theater, hailed us a cab, went to the only place I knew would be better, bought us tickets in the orchestra, went in, sat down and waited, mere moments. The lights went down, the stage slowly glowed brighter and the lone dark figure of a man started his moaning over some strings singing, moaning, even lower than him. It had only been a few seconds of lovely noise, but I was crying like I never had before. I couldn’t stop until he did. Then I spent the next hour waiting for the intermission so I could pee. These two feelings, were both, incredibly painful, just as it was when this woman slipped away before I could catch her, years later.

The next wanted to go with me to an opera as I think I told her how much the first had meant and she had never been. The Met was so close to my home, I wanted to take her. We got dressed up, we walked outside my home, we had my neighbor take a photograph of us, I hailed us a cab and we went. We held hands, we went inside, found what would turn out to be our private box and when it started, they played the one piece, the only piece I wanted or came to hear, they got it out of the way, just for me. When it was over, I watched her look around and listen and stare back at me. When she wasn’t looking, I would wipe away the random tear before she could see it. You see, she was already the wife of another even though I met her first. Later, when she had left him and found me again, she met her next husband while we were together.

I was on a plane somewhere once and had to stop at an in between somewhere to switch flights. My second flight got delayed, many many many hours. I got bored and checked a social site I usually didn’t. On this site, I learned the woman I was to see where I was going was “in a relationship” with someone that made her “all kinds of happy.” She knew I was to see her, you see, she had invited me to without telling me all this. Not much longer later, another woman who no longer wanted me around, much to do because of this other, I saw on this site was still using my photograph of her, well, us, as her icon. She wouldn’t return my calls or my notes or see me, but there we were for her all to see. This same site also wouldn’t stop showing me those I chose not to see and this site was showing me my images, that I did not want there, of those that also no longer desired me, using my images of them to meet their next. All these things were incredibly painful.

On July 11, 2009, I had spent the day making something, like I always do on this day. DIES SATURNI XI JULIUS MMIX. It had been a long day, a stressful day. I lost a competition I didn’t want to, I walked in the woods making things because I couldn’t forget something, I had recently returned from a journey far away full of wonderment, the one I wanted to see here this night was not in town and I drove, a lot. It was getting late, I didn’t want to stop making things, I didn’t want to lose my mood. Yet, I was invited to a party and I wanted to go, so I did. I walked around in the crowd where I didn’t know anyone, I wanted to leave. I found the birthday man, wished him his well and turned to leave. He pointed to the corner, in this corner I saw a circle of men I believe to be my brothers, so I stayed. The night got better, just like that. Before I left this crowd, I met a woman. We exchanged hello’s and she took a picture of us together, she in fact took two. Later in the following days, she invited me to know her on this or that same social site. I accepted, I blushed and sent her the pictures I took, well, she took, we took, then that was that.

Over the next year and half, on this social site, I watched this woman from the party post self portraits, often. Very often. They were from all over the place. Not just down the street in my once city, but all over and further away. I liked this. At some point, long after it happen, as I didn’t visit this site often, I noticed she had poked me. I liked this, too. I never responded, I just like seeing it there, whenever I visited this place, over all this time. She knows more photographers than I do. She knows more about the photographers I sometimes secretly wish I was than I do, too. She’s been on more sets than I ever will. She knows legends, like you and I cannot or ever will. All because she does what she does, very well. All the sudden, a year and half later after this party, I had a thought: I really miss New York City, I really want to go to the opera again and I really want to go, with her. We had not spoken since this party. So I went to the site I didn’t want to and I wrote her, I asked her, I told her the short story of this old poke. Shortly there after, she agreed, in fact, she, “Happily accepted.” So long as her work didn’t take her far away again and she also told me, “Most flattering message ever.” I told her this note of hers made me blush, again.

I didn’t tell her this was the real why I was coming to New York City. I pretended I was there to see the city. I pretended I was there to meet the clients. I pretended I was there to see what it felt like to return after all my time away and the friends of mine I saw there all really knew, the real why without it being said. But all that I could know without visiting and I was right, all that was just what I thought, but I was here, I was returning for just one thing. I was here for a night like only New York City offers. I was here, for this date, with her. I bought my plane ticket, I bought us opera tickets and the dates worked, it was time to go.

I liked this.

I hadn’t heard her voice since that summer night so long ago. I didn’t want to either, not until I could see her face with it. We slowly started texting as the night grew closer. She asked me what colors I would be wearing and I told her. We would be matching, we would be dressed as we should, for a night just like this. I arrived early, very early. I walked in circles all around this famous place. It was the coldest night of the year here and I couldn’t feel my hands as I looked at things with my machine. We started texting more frequently as that curtain time drew near. She was almost on her way. She asked me if I would remember her, I told her through the pain of my cold fingers, almost unable to type, “Yes.” I kept walking in circles. It was still an hour to curtain.

I could feel she was close. I put my machine away and went inside, my useless, painfully cold hands jammed into my pockets. I thought that if I were to touch her with them in a hello, I did not want them cold. If we were to touch hello, I wanted it warm and pleasant for her. I saw her through the glass in a door of circles, I think I saw her before she saw me but I don’t know. I remember smiling and seeing her do the same. I remember almost nothing else in this moment other than that I was happy she was here. I was happy she showed up.  I was happy she was my date and that I no longer felt any cold.

I liked this.

I checked our coats. I bought us wine to eat and I bought us cookies to drink. We stood there in this building draped in red telling each other stories about how we maybe ended up here together this night and what we both do in our time when not here. Everyone else was taking their seats but we kept talking. She asked me if she could have a print of mine someday, I told her, “Any.” The lights flickered and we found our seats, almost against that curtain that finally rose once we sat. She sat right near the rail and I sat just to her right and slightly behind her. I couldn’t see the stage so well but I didn’t really want to, she was here, they were about to sing to me, I had everything I wanted this night.

I liked this.

I sat there in the dark, listening, daydreaming, nightdreaming, my eyes open, my eyes closed, listening more, staring at this, staring at that and yes, staring at her. Every so often, she would fidget in her seat and toss her hair. I would toss it back, just so she’d turn and look back at me. I liked this but I don’t think she did, so I stopped. During the intermissions the lights would arise and we would look around at everyone else, looking around and at one another. Everyone was beautiful from up here in this inside warm sky.

I let her catch me staring at her leg. I reached out and moved her dress just so, making sure the skin of my thumb ran across and could feel the texture of her hose. It was beautiful, it felt beautiful and she let me take a photograph of this, it looks beautiful too.

For a year and half I had watched her take photographs of herself and then share them with me, everyone. Now here we were, here I was, next to her, in this specific place. She was holding my machine, she out stretched her arm and with my machine, she took her own photograph.

I liked this.

We bundled back up and braved the frigid air to find a place to share a meal. It was now somehow even colder outside than it was before. I hailed us a chariot. I told her, “Anywhere.” She chose her favorite. It was in her neighborhood. It was two blocks from her apartment. As happenstance would have it, it was my old neighborhood. It was on my old block. It was feet, feet from my door of 13 years and for many of these years, it was our neighborhood, at least until I had left it. While we ate, while we told each other stories, I thought that if I could erase these walls, drill a hole through these walls, stick my arm through these walls, right where I was now sitting, here this night, less than 25 feet from where I sat for those 13 years, dreaming of telling stories just like this one… If I could just reach that old me still sitting there, I would tell him:

“Don’t leave.”

I hailed her a chariot as she requested, it was too late, it was too cold and her heels too high to be walking those two long long blocks to her home. I stood there in that New York City slush in the middle of the street and watched her go down that street in that yellow chariot, down my street, already remembering what her hair felt like brushing against me as we embraced good night.

Then I stood under my tree, the one tree in front of my door I have hundreds of photographs of and I photographed it again, I don’t know why. It was snowing again. I turned around and stood in my doorway that is no longer mine. I stared at my name, still on the buzzer now without me really there. I wanted to try the door, I know how to open it without the key, but I didn’t. I turned around and then I made the left I made thousands of times out of the doorway to the end of the block. Then I made the left I made thousands of times down the next the block. Then I photographed that lock I photographed hundreds of times. Then I crossed the avenue I have crossed thousands of times. Then I crossed the street I crossed thousands of times. Then I made the left down the block I made thousands of times. Then I made the right down Broadway I made thousands of times. Then I waited for the train I waited for thousands of times. Then I sat on the train I sat on thousands of times.

Then I thought to myself, my date was the most beautiful woman at the opera and we don’t know anything about each other, but we were both still there.

I thought these things because they were both true.

I liked this, but I never want to go to an opera again.

She never told me which print of mine she wanted & I cannot go back to my home, even when I want to.

This Night 365 Nights Ago

People have told me time heals all wounds thousands of times but I think they are liars because I still feel everything, I ever did.

Hole Place Of Covet

i like to tell stories | twelve | see #12

i like to tell stories | #1 – #12

Please Press Play & Watch All 311 Seconds

 
 
- – -
 

The first time I was here, I didn’t know where I was, it was just a green place on the map, along the way and close to where I was already going.

It felt like an emergency, so I wanted to call 911:

What is your emergency?

She never told me she was married, even when I asked her directly. I think she was married before I met her!

Sir, that is not illegal.

The second time I was here, I didn’t know where I was, I was just told it was close. So I left a gift here at the base of a castrated tree.

It felt like an emergency, so I wanted to call 911:

What is your emergency?

After hundreds of thousands of words, after thousands of photographs, after knowing her all the ways a man can, after so much, more…

She gave me a fake address!

Sir, that is not illegal.

The third time I was here, I didn’t know where I was, I was just told it was close. I retrieved the gift unwanted, I didn’t want to litter.

It felt like an emergency, so I wanted to call 911:

What is your emergency?

She is rewriting all my love letters, for all her others, over and over and over, no matter how much I beg her stop!

Sir, that is not illegal.

The fourth time I was here, I knew exactly where I was. I had been here in the morning, I had been here in the afternoon, I had been here when the air is filled with sunshine and I had been here when the air is filled with rain. There was always only one sun in the sky, each of these first three times. Now I knew better. As here, in this real place on earth, only in the dark, one can see this place is actually lit with more suns in the sky than one can count or should look up and ever see, at any one time. This is the time, I finally learned to see, what is created here under that single sun, isn’t really what I was being shown, told, allowed and led to believe from the beginning…

Belief is all I ever sought here.

- – -

I had come all this way this fourth time to make just my specific four here in all that darkness I know how to make look like brightness. I finished and returned to my chariot left where I always leave it here. It was late and it was still dark, very. I was putting away my tools when a chariot came towards me around the bend and down the slight rise in the road. There hadn’t been any others and now I was being blinded by two beams of light from this specific one. I looked right at them and they must have looked right at me. This moving chariot now slowed when it saw me, abruptly so. This chariot crawled by then sped up and away after passing. I saw no one inside it in all that blinding dark but the master of this machine had seen me and known me by sight, of this I have no doubts… Was it you in a ride of new, was it the secret husband in his, was it a public partner of work and or love in hers, was it just another other anything, was it just another nothing? I know I’ll never know, just like you always wanted.

Silver Fahrvergnügen BV1

&

111 Seen In White Oak

150 pages – 111 Photographs – 25 Transcripts – 2 Maps – 1/1000 Limited Edition Tinker Bell “The Happiest Place On Earth” Commemorative Pin

Inscribed & Signed White Oak Book With Custom Constructed & Sealed White Oak Wood Containment

* – $0

* – in January 2012, This Special Edition 1/1 White Oak was placed, where it was made, right here:

Latitude: 29°46’52.82″N & Longitude: 95°22’30.45″W

Planted by an alive picture man on his birthday.

Told for a dead picture man on his birthday, 14 January 1928.

Vobis Eadem

 

 
Dies Lunae XI Julius MMXI – V
 
Annos Postquam Annos Postquam Annos Postquam Annos* Postquam Annos

* – IV Forthcoming

 



 
Please Press Play
 

Gratias Agimus Tibi & Tactus Numero Quinque

- – -

After

During

Before

- – -

- – -

A 2 Hour Rapture That Will Never Stop Giving
 

21 May 2011

May 21 [2011] would be the date of the Rapture and the day of judgment, “Beyond the shadow of a doubt.”

It would occur at 6 p.m. local time, with the rapture sweeping the globe time zone by time zone.

That word is “red.”
R-E-D.
Say the word.
 
( @ 2:30 )
 

This Man, This Place Where Ideas Come From, Just Died, He Did This In Houston

48 Hours Before He Passed, A Woman I Spent The Almost End Of The World With, Told Me Something I Didn’t See Coming, But Should Have

Please Press Play

- – -

Martha’s Bells

Great, Grand, Daughter

Same State, Same City, Same Ballet, Same Hotel, Different Room, Different Skin, Different Time

SCAR

]]> http://www.iliketotellstories.com/2011/12/13/sscaamre/feed/ 0 http://www.iliketotellstories.com/2011/12/11/7-december-2011/ http://www.iliketotellstories.com/2011/12/11/7-december-2011/#comments Sun, 11 Dec 2011 09:00:43 +0000 jonathan http://www.iliketotellstories.com/?p=16492
 
703 Days Before I Knew
 

 
393 Days Before I Knew
 

 
Fly Little Man Fly, I Didn’t See You Coming
 

 
I Made 4000+ Of You, You Made Less Than 10 Of Me
This Is Me Inside Of You
 
You Made By Me & Me Made By You

- – -

April/May 2010:

3rd, 1st, 1st, 2nd, 4th – A & AA Class, Texas

- – -

After June 2010, I only competed in one more registered competition:

October 2010 128th Place, AA Class, National Championships | October 2009 4th Place, A Class, National Championships
 

 
I Cannot Tell The Difference Between The Blue Of Your Eyes, That Blue Wall Or That Blue Sky

You Both Brought Your Favorite Dress For Me

I Don’t Really Know You Or You & You Don’t Know Each Other

329 Days & ONE ONE ONE (111) ZERO Miles (111+0) Separate You

One Of You Brought A Yellow Dress & The Other Of You Brought A Blue Dress

Chance Would Have It, The Same Dress

Dies Lunae XI Julius MMXI

- – -

touch to own touchable

This Day 348

 


 
- – -
 

15 Years

This Is Me Not Looking

14 Years, 4 Months

I Want Your Beautiful

20 Years, 2 Months

OTLMBS

J J L E A C

Я не слышу и я не могу дотронуться то что я могу только читать и не вижу в плоть

 

A Father I Met & A Mother & A Mother I Have Not Must Heal

SUBJECT:

Re: I like you swore eternal love, and left, as can that be?

BODY:

Hi – do you remember how we made love in your car? Mmm like it was perfect – the stars, moon, sky – and the lights of the city, here in Russia that does not happen again, I want you to come if you do not mind, write me!

1/12

4/12

6/12

8/12

9/12

Today

Los Angeles

1994

A contact form was submitted at your site. Here is the information received:

~tell_me_a_story:

I’m back in _________. I see you in the ________ in front of the ______ ______ _______, every time I walk by.

email: [name@site.com]

name: [a woman's before she changed it]

24 October 2011 – 20:23 PDT

Volunteer & Conquer

- – -

SUBJECT:

Re: this is why i don’t tell people my business

BODY:

Dobre tortury i złe. I zakocha się w was nie mogę znieść, co robisz. Ci, którzy nie mogą iść w tą samą ręką. To po prostu wstyd, że nie jest łatwo, to wszystko. Jesteś wkurzaj mnie, możesz mnie bezpodstawnie, bardzo, bardzo, bardzo szczęśliwy.

- – -

“Guard Me From Everything”

Good torture, and bad. I fall in love with you; I can’t stand what you do. Those can’t go in the same hand. It’s just a shame it’s not easy, that’s all. You piss me off, you make me unduly, incredibly, incredibly, incredibly happy.

Last Night While I Was Sleeping, Bacteria Attacked Your Blood

This Bacteria, It Raised Your Temperature, It Slowed Your Heart & This Shocked You

Your Blood Is My Blood, So Here, I Give That You Gave Me, Back

My Temperature Is Low, My Heart Beats Too Much & Today, Nothing Shocks Me

This My All Day, 11-11-11, Not Your I.C.U

Hold this me I made in your hands.
Hold this me I made in your hands.
 
Look down at your hands, look at my child.
Look down at your hands, look at my child.

See This Man I Made, See I Am His Architect

Hear Our Echo

Rapture

Seen Seven Source Site

This Day My All Day Would Have Been Your Birthday

Last Year At Midnight On November 3rd, Your Birthday, I Started 113 Stories
One Story Every 20 Minutes For 37 Hours, When I Was 37
This Day, I Made 211 Photographs, I Don’t Know Why

This Was You Three Days Before Your Last Birthday

This Was The Day You Died, This Day Twenty-Nine, This My All Day

I Had Once Come To Stay Where You No Longer Could

I Was Once King Edward Here As Long As I Should

Like You, I Shut Your Curtains & I Dream, I Pray

For The Three-Sixty-Five Ago I Cannot Say

 
- – -
 

My Father Is One Of The Men You Made

When Night Fell, I Saw A Woman Who Made Herself Myth

I Saw The Real Backs Of Three Sources

I Saw The False Fronts Of Three Fantasies

I Saw A Man Pretending To No Longer Be Alive, On This First Day My Fathers Source Now No Longer Is

I Saw A Woman Pretending To Be One Thing, When In Fact She Was Really Something Very Other

This Woman Bent Down And Placed The Myth On His Closed Eyes While Looking At Mine

This Woman Then Returned To Her Other And Showed Me How She Kisses Him

This Woman, Not Long Later, Then Caught Him & Carried Him Away

As This Other She Kissed Had Just Buckled, Faltered & Fainted

In Front Of Us All I Could See, The She & He I Wish Was Me

A Woman Took To The Stage & Told Us A Story Of Her Accident, A Story Of Her Hand, This Hand & How It Had Once Been Severed From Her

This Hand Was Put Back On Almost Scar-Less, So She Gave It One To Remember & Let Me See Its Message

For Your Journey & For Mine

 
Legacy

1924 To This Day Twenty-Nine
 

 
- – -
 

 
We Were King Edward

I left where I stay now to walk to the ocean, I have not seen it here yet this time. I found you almost right way. All of you had been eaten away except for those wings now so useless for flight without your heart once big enough to take you anywhere, up. So I took these wings and put them on the back of a Hawk who I never want to stop trying to fly.

I got to the ocean but between me and it was an unexpected man made valley, a man made crater, launching men in the air choked with fog. They were given 30 minutes to try and fly higher than the next. The Hawk here did something like no other before him but today he was not trying to do it again. One man here was however and before that water falling from the sky got us all too wet, try after try for the elusive two and half circles, he did just that, 900. I then turned around to walk back to where I stay at the start of that eruption of noise he made.

I still haven’t seen the ocean here.

This All Day 22

HAWK 900

 
FO The 3 Man Wants To Smash Your Box – This All Day 20
 

SUBJECT:

Oh my gosh.

BODY:

You have no idea how sad, sad, about to stick a needle in my eye sort of sad I am. Long, drawn out personal history shortly aside, I’ve had a lot of family issues in the last month or so and have been all but absent in the email department. Combine that with losing both of my jobs (one June 1st, one as of the coming August) and my house (sold from under my apartment renter’s feet this summer), and I should try and unstick my foot from my mouth a little bit. But, oh no, no no no. Instead, I feel like not only should my foot be tonsil friendly but so should my other foot, probably both of my hands, and at least something that doesn’t usually belong there as well because we missed you being in Texas! I can’t believe it. And after the Yankovich birthday song! Someone needs to push the restaurant table full of china into my lap while yelling something at me with a red face because [rotating woman's nickname] and I have been really really (did I say we definitely have been) wanting to meet you in actual person sometime. So much so. So much so that as soon as we’re officially let go (we work at the same place, both jobs) we might come and see you instead. Wherever in the world you are. I think a roadtrip is an absolute necessity, and I can promise an excellent soundtrack and the best homemade rumcake in the world. Is that a good start? Boy, I can’t even tell you how rotten missing that mail is. You should have seen how red [rotating woman's nickname] face got when we saw the date. I’d say you’re now on the side where we owe you. I know you don’t really know us, but let me tell you, that’s not a bad side to be on. I hope this email finds you well. I’ll dislodge all inappropriate appendages from my mouth now, thank you.

[maybe not a real name of a real woman] & [rotating woman's nickname who I was scared of but wanted to meet and couldn't]

Oh! When’s your birthday?

- – -

- – -

 
A Minnesota Man & A 3 Month Early California Man Nourished Me – This All Day 20
 

- – -

OTLMBS

 
- – -
 

I was in the box this night of this all day 20 when a woman approached me and 3 Month Early California Man. She wanted to record us with her forever machine, I blushed and of course agreed. I like that someone wanted to take my picture and I didn’t care why. I gave her some me so she could choose to know more or not. Then she went away.

Not long later, she came back to me and I think took another. She had just heard a story about me and was now touching my arm. I liked this too only now I didn’t blush. Her touch felt nice.

Not long later, she took more of me in between taking some of others. She did this because she knew I was staring, we were both smiling. Then she gave me some of her so I could choose to know more or not, as well. Before I left this box, I walked up from behind her, put one hand on her hip, reached my other arm out as far as it would go in front of us and pressed the button on my forever machine. I did this as this is what I do when I like you, woman or man, I made three this night, just like that and returned to where I stay.

I chose to know more, found her and wrote her.

Then I went where I go to find company in a place of not face to face when I am lonely. It was there I saw her… Again. You see, I had written her before, from this place not the box of this night, not knowing who she was in any other way. You see, I had not known I had written her here before we met, as well. I do not know if she knew I wrote her before this night, I do not know if she recognized me, either.

At one point this night she told me everything is a circle and I believed her. Even if our circles mean different things.

- – -

Start With The One, The Moment You Are Ready Or Allowed To

- – -

If it wasn’t for what you are now reading, who lives in the skin holding this constellation would not have found me.

If it wasn’t for who lives in this skin finding me, I could not be where I now am.

We had never met face to face. Tonight is that fortnight.

In astronomy, a fortnight is the mean (average) time between a full moon and a new moon (and vice versa). This is equal to 14.77 days.

I went from an area with a (code) of 210, to a place with a #number called 210.

This constellation had not ever been successfully counted. So I went one by one, looking at each one, from one to the next one, making no one no more important than any other one. Not because I wanted to know any such number of twinkles in this sky, but because I was allowed to, down right welcome to see.

This was enough.

With my forever machine and its borrowed telescope of closer observation, this astronomer mapped 206.

- – -

2 0 6

- – -
 

This constellation on skin consisted of, was made of, by my count, 206. So I took who lives in this constellation to the star maker and I had this star maker place 4 more into this sky. Now when I am in where I stay, when I look up, even when it is dark outside and even when it is light outside, in this number called 210 after I left an area coded 210, I can see this constellation skin whose map I made 210, in almost constant motion.

- – -

2 1 0

- – -
 

 
- – -
 

 

This One Is Mine, For My Ever & For Yours

This One Is Mine, For My Ever & For Yours

This One Is Mine, For My Ever & For Yours

This One Is Mine, For My Ever & For Yours

I Send Greetings + (Please Press Play)

“When the sun appears mid-sky three more times, I must be at Arizona.

What happens if you don’t get there in time?

Then they will go.

Without you?

Yes.

What will you do then?

Then, I will die.”

It Took You Three Days, It Took Me Two, I Get Everywhere I Go, Early

- – -

Go forth naked and choose only the 7 tools that fit in your hand for this journey.

These 7 tools:

They just may create a new you from a lock of hair.
They just may let you send an important message.
They just may show you a map when you need it.
They just may allow you to defend yourself.
They just may resurrect a deer from the dead.
They just may heal the one you love when they are not well.
They just may be a gift from beyond to the half you man you made here.

My 7 tools:

I chose a lock of hair stored in a film canister from a married dominatrix I loved I never hired to hurt me.
I chose a freshly removed pair of underwear from a lap dancer I did not love I did hire to please me.
I chose a double-barreled shotgun so big it breaks speakers.
I chose 4 forever machines I don’t want to show you.

“Define beautiful: Beautiful is better than terrific.”

We were in a hotel room, I was watching you change. You were almost comfortable with this, but then weren’t suddenly even though you once were. You knew how I liked to just sit and watch, everything you did. You paused before you entered the bathroom to change out of my sight. You leaned on the wall and asked me a question because I had just repeated to you what you once said to me about your other, not really me:

“That’s word for word. You.. You remember everything you hear word for word?”

“Everything I hear, everything I see, everything… Everything this body feels.”

“There is something I must tell you, I gave you a baby tonight. Believe what I tell you.
A baby of your husband but also he will be my baby. He will know everything I know.”

- – -



 

I saw a family from here before I was in the back of a truck. They helped me, just like you.

I saw a home on wheels in which to hide, to pretend is mine, just like you.

I saw a beast on rails and I heard that beast on rails as it showed me the way, just like you.

I saw a place to take pause and measure all risk, just like you.

You walked through one fire to get here and did so with no scars. I walked through never-ending and am covered in them countless.

 
- – -
 

As I walked up to the rim, the edge of this place, I could feel the energy I wanted to and my body was reacting. This was a surprise as I hadn’t yet seen it with my own eyes. I put my tools away. I walked up to the edge and I stood on the edge and I looked. I had almost not been allowed but an imaginary line drawn by others changed the time for me as I headed west, allowing me this moment. I leaned over the edge, over the moved, pushed up earth in front of me. The wind here was taking me off my feet so I leaned into it harder. I dared it to do so again and I shut my eyes and let this wind burn my skin. I stayed there, looking up, looking down, looking around and let that wind hurt me all it could until the man asked me to leave. I was now out of time.

Touch Me To See What I Saw On This Circle In 111 Inches

I walked to my chariot. My skin was still burning and the air was the coldest I have felt in a very long time. There was no hot blizzard falling from the sky and no water falling around me that I could feel. Yet, I could see both from this place. No tool of mine can change any real thing and my rescue did not answer my transmission. The one I made before here nor the one I made from this place.

“I Make Maps”

I Want To Believe

(111 East 1st Street – Looking North North East With North A True One)

Not 7 Days Prior, Not Here, I Photographed Almost 500 Numbered Secret Government Buildings, Not One Of These Was #111

- – -

What I Saw Up There, Here

I WANT TO BELIEVE

- – -

You’ll say,

“Did they love you or what?”

I’ll say,

“They love what I do. The only one who really loves me, is you.”

All Around Us In The Dark There Was Water Falling From That Sky
 
But Here In Only This Place, We Were Dry
 
We Could See The Lightning Up There Too But We Could Not Feel It, Either

 
Because It Was This Night Like No Other Before It, I Made Some We Could Try To

You Had Time

They tell me there is a drought here.

Yet today, outside this glass with two sides, there was a wet water falling from all over that sky.
 
- – -
 
He Would Not & My Speculation Of A Could Not, See Right Through This Glass Directly At Me From The Inside Out

Yet Today, For A Moment Only At IAH, I Could See Through The Reflecting Myth Of Color The Wet Here Likes To Create

She Can See Right Through This Glass Directly At Me From The Outside In

Tuesday

Force Protection Condition: ALPHA

Wednesday

Thursday

WAR FIGHTING LAB

Me: “Can I take your photograph?”
You: “Whose photograph?”
Me: “Your photograph. You look so beautiful.”

I was standing with my back to the road, just a few feet behind me, pointing my machine off into the nothing the other way. I happen to look to my right over my shoulder at the car coming down this road. I looked at the driver, I could see their face and this driver was looking back at me. I watched them until my neck could watch no further. So I turned my head and now looked over my left shoulder as their face vanished from view. I looked back off into the nothing. Then I heard it, a squeal of tires. So I turned my head again and saw this car almost come to a stop before it struck the car stopped in front of it.

DETECT DETER DEFEND

Friday

I Gave You Brittany

OTLMBS

Black Seminole Commander Man Land

 

 
- – -
 





My Blood Land Is On Fire & I Know Who & I Know Why & It Is So Hot & I Was So Close & I Could Feel’d It On My Two Backs





I saw you load your cars with all whom you love.
I saw you load your cars with all that you loved you could hold in your hands.
I saw you all do this as fast as you can. I saw you all leave your blood homes behind to burn.
I once saw and met and was inside someone that likes doing this to you and to me, repeatedly, for their Joy.


Flee Your Own Blood, With All Your Heart

I had been waiting for it to happen. Then it did. Someone did, it was not me. They took you and put you in the grass, this yard off to the side, out of the way. This someone cared enough about you for at least that. Then, over time, you were eaten by one after another that fought over you, sought you out as their source then moved on while countless more kept feeding. I don’t know who you were, but I can say with some certainty, you were once mine and that I saw you like no one else ever had or will or could. You were not my source and it never occurred to me to eat you like this or leave you like this, yet -

I can still taste your scent and I cannot bury you here.

(I Thought She Had A Scar Where She Did Not)





Never Sleep For Wanting Hours

(I Faked An Eclipse Because Of The Real One I Can Remember)





Something More Than Mockery

(I Came Through A Door Of Green Only When Requested To Do So)


- – -

Little sparrow, little sparrow
Precious fragile little thing
Little sparrow, little sparrow
Flies so high and feels no pain
All ye maidens heed my warning
Never trust the hearts of men
For they will crush you like a sparrow
Leaving you to never mend
They will vow to always love you
Swear no love but yours will do

And then they’ll go on and court another

Break your little heart in two

Of a cold false-hearted lover
And his evil cunning scheme





Little sparrow, little sparrow
Precious fragile little thing
Little sparrow, little sparrow
Flies so high and feels no pain

Little sparrow, little sparrow
Oh the sorrow never ends


- – -

Everything was okay as it ever was, yet I was up, pacing inside your castle. I watched you sleep as I stood by the window. Outside, it was snowing. It wouldn’t stop and it was beautiful. I didn’t want it to stop. The city was shut down, just like I liked it. I felt the draft of cold air all over my body. I shivered, you kept sleeping. I could see your almost naked through and around the sheets. I let the blind go closed, walked over to your bed and crawled in next to you.

You were warm.

- – -

Today my chariot told me it was 117 degrees outside my window.