i like to tell stories

I bite myself, I take a step, just like you or so I see.
I am fighting a reflection that only looks like myself, just like you or so I see.

There is a sky of black water in my ocean.

– – –

April 29, 2010 | 3:30:34 PM, 2:51:57 PM, 3:29:31 PM

In The Land Of My Blood | Chapter 2

423.0 miles | 63 degrees Fahrenheit
March 30, 2010 & March 31, 2010 | 13h, 51m, 16s

( View Chapter 2 | Touch Chapter 2 )

Three Men | Charles, Joerg, Phillip | Houston, TX

For A, Know This – Today, It’s Just Like That First Day

– – –

I felt a new, unmatched love once because of a record. How and when it was played, everything about that moment of my life, it was a joy that to that moment in all my life, I had not yet ever known. I saw this record be played without being there while I was alone in my home. When I saw this record be played how it was, I actually cried. It was all that beautiful. The love I felt and I had in this moment, I will never let die.

My story, today, it is a secret. Just know, a repeat would be lovely.

– – –

I received an email recently from a man I do not know on the other side of this earth. So I thanked him. I then received a song and a story for this thanks. The one he loves is not well and he reached out to me to thank me as something I did at sometime had meant something. I have been given permission to tell his story here:

“When I was a kid about 13 or 14 years I was browsing records in the local record shop. There was only one other person in there, a beautiful girl. We stood next to each other and made glances. It was not until I had found and married A and was looking at her old snaps I realized that she was the girl. I asked if she remembered a little boy gazing at her in the shop (she is 4 years older than me), and she actually did. I was blown away! I still carry that image of her in my mind all the time.“

“It was an independent record store, not many in our town. As we were browsing I pulled out Van Morrison’s It’s Too Late to Stop Now LP looked at it and put it back, I desperately wanted it but had no money. As we moved along I noticed A pulling it out too. It was that LP which was the trigger for the memory. Her boyfriend was waiting outside and she was thinking why is this little kid looking at me!“

– – –

Play it again and turn it up. Never let that record stop spinning.

This Is What I Look Like When I Am Really A Me I Cannot See

I Only Know What You Look Like & From That I Know Nothing

April 21, 2010 | All Day Long At Time Something Or Other | This Is Not Nearly Everything

– – –

Interview II, Of III In IX Days, Was A IV Part Interview In IV Days

April 21, 2010 | 39m 52s After

April 21, 2010 | 2h 56m 59s Before

A Red Circle Inside Another Red Circle Inside Another Red Circle | Zero mph

April 22, 2010 | 3:31:42 PM | One Man, Holding A Sleeping Child

April 8, 2010 | One Man On The Telephone Near Eight Rocks In The Intersection | 195s Apart

March 17, 2010 & March 27, 2010 | 40 & 30 Days Short

My state has changed.

– – –

2006 = 1700, 2007 = 3200, 2008 = 1700, 2009 = 1550 | 8150 registered competition targets.

When I arrived, there was a train singing to me.

I loaded, I closed, I looked at the sky and tried to clear what my mind saw. Watch the target, watch the target, watch the target. Listen to the beeps, here it comes, there it is, is she the marksman she says she is, what was my score, how many I have missed now, I know that song.

When I left, there was a train singing to me.

Train one, dead single, dead single, high house miss, low house dead, double, love me some.

American – 22/25, 22/25 | April 16, 2010 | Olmos Basin

I found an Olympus XA2, complete with A11 Flash in my grandmother’s garage the other day. It was left over from a garage sale, it was marked $2, no one had wanted it. Today when I awoke, I went to Walgreens. I bought it batteries, I bought it film and when I returned, I cleaned it, I rebuilt it, I loaded it and I made 26 photographs in 9 minutes. (I still remember how to sneak on extra frames). I took that roll out, I went back to Walgreens.

I have not made images with a film point and shoot in almost 6 years after it used to be almost 2-3 rolls a day for ten years. I didn’t realize how much I was addicted to this ritual until right this second, waiting for the film as I write this story before even seeing my images. If the XA2/A11 worked at all doesn’t even matter. I missed this, I needed this, this is why I do the things I do.

Today, it was all about love.

This is me loving you more then some, this is me loving you too much.

April 15, 2010 | Thursday

I drove 15 hours, then I drove 11 hours, then I drove 8 hours.

– – –

In between the 11h and 8h segments, I accepted an invitation of salvation on a plantation. This plantation had no business being where it was. It descended out of a fog after I almost killed a dog. All upon this river of asphalt darkness, I chased a love I could not find, this overwhelmed my mind.

– – –

Later, days after leaving the plantation and within hours of reaching the mouth of this river, a French woman finally found me albeit too late. She did not however seduce me nor did I seduce her. She did however allow me to watch her smoke and she did however recite some love for me to keep forever.

Fumer Tue, Mon Amour

April 13, 2010 | 5:09:55 PM | One Man, Standing Alone, Near A Man Walking

April 14, 2010 – 12:39:52 PM | One Woman, Standing Alone, Smoking

(touch image to view larger)

I Am King Edward, I Don’t Know Who Or Where You Are

March 22, 2010 & March 23, 2010

Only You See You As A Target In My Sky

April 11, 2010 – 5:12:52 PM | Two Men Smoking | One Cadillac, One Jaguar

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My Brother | My Brother’s Daughter

April 10, 2010

March 10, 2010 | It was here, this day, that I did dance.

Shut your eyes.

You will see.

This joy was exactly me.

This day, I talked too much. This day, I was shooting a perfect first round. Dead target, dead target, dead target, one after another after another. The first 24 of 25, all dead. I knew this when I stepped into the box to shoot my last target, I knew this when I loaded, I knew this when I closed, I knew this when I looked at the sky and tried to clear what my mind saw. Don’t miss, wait for the target, watch the target, does she ever think of me, a perfect round would be so wonderful… Pull.

24 of 25.

Press play to hear me talk too much. Press play to hear me shooting 3 targets dead. Single, single, double.

American – 24/25, 23/25 | April 11, 2010 | Olmos Basin

The Same Day King Edward Died | April 9, 1483/2010

This day, I shot alone. No call of “Pull.” It was all up to me. There will be a series of three beeps, 3, 2, 1, target. Sometimes a single target, sometimes a double. There will be 25 shots. I don’t hear that siren. I don’t hear the others speaking. I feel the wind, I like it. Marshall asked me after stand 3, “I’ll pull for ya?”

“I appreciate that though.” Then I missed two targets, station 4. My only two. I knew before he asked, this round, this round I needed to be left alone. I pretended it didn’t happen and got back to my task, alone.

Today, I hear each shot. You can too.

Marshall was kind and asked to assist me. The other Marshall I know here I also just met, he sold me my car, I found him kind as well.

American – 23/25, 22/25 | April 10, 2010 | April 21, 1929 | Olmos Basin

I loaded, I closed, I looked at the sky and tried to clear what my mind saw. What is she doing right now? Don’t look at the barrel. Watch the target, watch the target, watch the target. Why am I even trying a low mount in International? I point towards the sky, I lower again, I try again to clear what my mind saw. I miss her so much. Damn, these targets are faster today.

I don’t hear the shot.

I was waiting for my food with my father and his brother. We weren’t talking much but that beautiful older man, playing his guitar in the corner of this restaurant I think he may even own, he didn’t need to look to that sky outside to clear what his mind saw. His mind was seeing just what my brain doesn’t want to let go of.

International – 18/25, 21/25 | April 9, 2010 | 5:11:48 PM, 6:27:27 PM

Today, it begun. I loaded, I closed, I looked at the sky and tried to clear what my mind saw. That train is not coming, it is not about to sing for me. I don’t hear it. I point towards the sky, I lower again, I try again to clear what my mind saw. She did not really say that did she? That train is singing. I am behind, how many have I missed now?

I don’t hear the shot.

I was driving, I checked my mirrors as I stopped in the middle of the road, directly under that train as it rolled over my head on the trestle, I was alone. I turned off the radio, turned the recorder on and didn’t worry what cars I may or may not be blocking.

American – 21/25, 22/25 | April 8, 2010

A place I have been before.

March 9, 2010 | 10:46:44 AM

I had been driving for hours, listening to that Tennessee love all over my radio. I had to stop, I had to get out of that U-Haul, I stretched and went to restroom. It was awfully quiet in there, too quiet. In the stall next to me, I heard a voice slowly growing more loud. I could not understand nor even place the language. Yet the tone was that of love, um, well, maybe not love, but maybe something, something intense. The words strung together like a song I could not place nor had heard before, yet it was beautiful, in it’s own particular way…  this man was on the telephone. I was in the stall against the wall. I wanted to leave, I didn’t want to make a sound but I didn’t want to interrupt either.

I quietly made my way to the sink, washed my hands and dried them. As I went to exit, the stall door that had been next to mine was suddenly open and out came its occupant. He bypassed the sink, got to the door before me and did not hold it open.

I kept my distance walking out behind my live singer, took this image above  and then I climbed back in that U-Haul and turned my radio back up. I did not hear one song of Patsy’s.

This is where I live, this is how I love, this is where you can find me.

I Am King Edward

Created – March 19 | March 22 | March 23 | 2010 – Scheduled to post today, 8 days ago.

– – –

All I can promise is that this is my absolute best. I give you my everything, every time.

April 4, 2010

In The Land Of My Blood | Chapter 3

Late this afternoon I visited my grandmother. As I approached her door, I saw that there was a small bird directly in its nook. I could not open her door. I stepped closer, the bird tried to take flight in all its fear of me but this bird could not do so, it was broken, it’s wings would not work and no amount of its will would matter.

I got down low, I approached from an angle I thought induced the least panic in its heart and the bird got to the side in the leaves before I could make a difference, it would not let me close. Then it simply sat there stunned and staring at me. I took this bird’s photograph.

I went inside to be with my grandmother, all my thoughts couldn’t focus. My brain was filled with this bird, only this bird, there was nothing I could do; I could not will it well, I could not photograph it well, I could not tell it’s story well.

My visit was not long, minutes maybe. I stepped out the door and looked for where it had gone. In the first moments of not seeing it, I felt joy. Where had it gone, had it taken flight? Then, taking a few steps, I saw a peek of feather again. There it was. Lying motionless only feet from where it had been.

I got down low, I approached from an angle I thought induced the least panic. Before I was too close I pressed my lips softly together and gently blew the air from my lungs towards it. The leaves, the brush, the feathers, they all reacted to my air… This bird did not react to my wind, this bird was no longer stunned, this bird was no longer staring at me.

– – –

Inside my grandmother’s home, her couch still bloomed its red flower today. Inside my home here, my couch was still green today. Today was difficult. No amount of my will could change this.

Today was Easter.

3 Photographs | April 4, 2010

This Was The Eve Of My Easter’s Eve

April 3, 2010 | 8:12:26 PM, 8:17:37 PM, 8:18:38 PM

The other day, I could not make that hot red sun stay.

The other night, I could not make that cold blue moon go away.

Tonight, I needed an eclipse.

– – –

So I turned off all that artificial light around me. I made this place as dark as I could.  I made my own bursts of light in the dark at a speed faster than that I had ever held in my hands before this day. That hot red sun did not block that cold blue moon and that cold blue moon did not block that hot red sun. My will alone tonight could not create that I wanted or that I needed.

– – –

These bursts of light in my hands tonight must not have been fast enough.

My Father At The Home Of His Mother | All Photographs – April 2, 2010

Yellow tape, ink, words I did not write.

I did not see her today and have not for some time now. I do not know her well, but her blood is my blood and today her blood was actually, physically removed from her and replaced with different blood. Somewhere tonight, she is lying there in the dark alone. She is sleeping, dreaming, both or neither. I do not have any idea what she is thinking of but I am thinking of her.

This new blood of hers is now my blood too.