Portfolio & Information & More

March 30th, 2008

i am ![SARA]!.

i am an addict.

11/22/07 – 3/30/08 (as of 1:45 am):3442 minutes played = 57.37 hours.

4253 accumulative score = 129th place of 13,142 players = top 0.98%.

March 27th, 2008

mom’s email.

‘I just finished reading your blog. Liked your bio. Sometimes you make me laugh out loud, others times you break my heart. Love you, Mom.’

the best response i ever got from a promo card was the above image. i told my mom this and the response was, ‘it wasn’t the one with the stick in my face was it?’

March 24th, 2008

nathan. kreg. 2007.

nathan and kreg invited me back to their homes in new hampshire. see more here and from 2005 here. at some point i will make something from the 2007 trip, at least i think i will, someday.

March 24th, 2008

stand in.

.insert important subject here.

March 23rd, 2008

3 / 22 / 08.

i went to a panel discussion on women in photography tonight. i walked there thinking about women, i left there thinking about women, i cannot say i understand them any better, but i really don’t think that was the goal of this panel.

March 23rd, 2008

flying makes me nervous.

.i made these that day.

March 22nd, 2008

3000 pin for 2007.

my official reward/trophy for shooting over 3000 tournament targets in 2007, i shot 3200. jealous? you should be. after failing to meet my goals at nationals, the goal changed, earn this pin, results not required, just volume. last year i got a breakdown of how many people shot how many targets, i am still waiting to see if they break it down for 2007. no reason mind you other then curiosity, but i think there should be an award for anyone that shoots over 3000 tournament targets and lives in midtown manhattan.

i don’t really have any video of me in competition, so here’s yet another day of practice from last year. i haven’t had practice this year or lessons, despite going to FL last month thinking i could do well and losing another competition. i’d like to keep taking lessons, i’d like to keep competing but i’d also like to have money in the bank and trophies on the shelf, these things don’t always go together and neither one guarantees the other.

oops, i lied, i do have video of me in competition, it’s below. yes, the videos aren’t exciting, i barely watch them, but nonetheless, here they are.

March 22nd, 2008

san francisco.

almost all my color photographs from san francisco 95-97 were shot on chrome film and run C-41. there is a binder or two that is full of still barely looked at or touched images. a friend assisted in NYC and was cleaning out a photogs fridge to throw it away as the photog requested and found some outdated film, outdated in some cases by over 10 years. he asked if i wanted it and if i’d pay him back for the shipping, laughing, i said sure, thinking it wouldn’t be much. a week later i got 2 boxes in the mail, one 28 pounds and the other i think was 32, 60lbs of very outdated film. for the next 2-3 years, it was all i shot. after it was shot, i couldn’t afford to get it processed. so i even bought a small fridge to try and keep all those latent images from going away, some film sat unprocessed for over 5 years till i either got it done cheap at a school or through a PE friend at a mag that had a lab. at one point, i think i had 500+ rolls in ziplocks.
all of it was random, whatever i could get done. usually only shot when i borrowed or rented a camera to play with. i’d go shoot whatever, a parade with a Hasselblad superwide or when the Mamiya 7 first came out, or later, after i got an M4-P, i’d use that. the folsom st fair images on my main site for example in the history section, shot on konica 640 chrome film run C-41, old EPN and i think a few rolls of slide dup film even got shot, it didn’t matter, the pictures didn’t matter either then, i just missed the act.
they’ll be more here eventually, after getting it all processed, most got filed and forgotten till i had a reason to do something or felt the need, lately, i’ve been feeling the need. they still feel like i made them yesterday, everything happening around every image is still a fresh memory.
so thanks to neil selkirk without him really knowing, i have hundreds of images keeping my brain alive with old, yet still new pictures for years to come.

March 20th, 2008

it seems i am inappropriate.

.twice in my life now, i have lost a friend because of something i wrote. in each case it was a total surprise that i didn’t see coming. one took years to play out, one happen rather quickly. neither of which i can fully share every detail of, not that i care to keep a single word or image a secret as i like to think i live my life without them to the best of my ability, but because i see no reason to further cause those that are now bothered by me any further grief. while not posting images to go with this story that identify anyone here, i won’t hide them away either.

.the first was a journal page i had done. the person that was bothered to this day has never read it. it’s been 10 years. we spoke one day long ago before the falling out and they asked me if i wrote about a certain situation that occurred between us years before. when i said yes, this person dropped me from the their life. the fact that they never read it, it was unpublished or that it was unreadable online years after i was dropped didn’t matter, just knowing i wrote down something they had told me once so long ago, somehow hit a nerve i will never understand. i didn’t even write about the odd event that occured between us, i just wrote what was discussed later, no matter, they are now long gone. it still hurts. i didn’t deserve it.

.a mutual friend told me this fall all that they ever heard from this person about me was that i did something inappropriate.

.the other is very recent, while i’ve known this person for 17 years, we only became close again this fall thanks to mutual friends and the miracle of video ichat. sadly, it is the same person that told me the other person thinks i am inappropriate.

.one random night, this person surprised me with something special, unexpected and wonderful over the internet. it made me feel loved in a moment i really needed to. i printed and framed up a response i thought was beautiful and mailed it off. it made them blush and that was that. our relationship moved on as always. a month or so later, they surprised me again, i sent off a series of what i simply considered thank you letters. nothing more nothing less, just something to keep our odd bond alive, no matter if it was fantasy or reality, real or fake, it was how our relationship was defining itself. so i thought.

.it would seem i was wrong again. this person too disappeared only after it was them that open the door. it still hurts, i didn’t deserve it.

.twice, two people i considered important in my life are gone, because of something i did for them i considered special, maybe off the map a little, yet otherwise grounded in sincerity, respect and love.

.twice, both opened the door to a side of them i hadn’t known, twice, it was my reaction in writing or images that then made then vanish. i wish it didn’t, i wish i still knew them. i wish i could say i would do it different, but everything i wrote, every image i made, in those moments, felt right, felt good, to make, to share and to give away.

.it seems i am inappropriate.

March 19th, 2008


.At an early age Mister Saunders fell asleep roadside in a pickup truck on the way to visit the site of the Battle at Gettysburg in Pennsylvania. While asleep he experienced a calling from the ghost of Timothy O’Sullivan in a dream. Ever since this dream, Mister Saunders continues to roam the country making images and telling stories, some of which are even true. Mister Saunders continues to suffer from insomnia to this day and often the results can be read at iliketotellstories.com.

Mister Saunders hobbies include seeking out awkward social situations, collecting playing cards, losing English sporting clay tournaments and reading your blog. His images sometimes appear in magazines like TIME, People and Forbes much to the delight and dismay of his parents and others that know him. Mister Saunders would like nothing more then to photograph you, so send him an email, as he gets lonely.

– – –

.i got asked for a bio and image by a magazine, i wrote one, but i thought it was flat and boring. i knew john could make fun of me in just the right way, the best part being that i seek out awkward social situations as a hobby as that word alone, awkward, seems to be the best single word description of just about everything i do, it’s just how i roll. it’s funnier obviously if you know me at all, nonetheless, awesome.

i added a couple sentences here and there, but it is still pretty much all john only with my BS plugs on top. it started over me sharing with him in an IM that a mag needed a bio. he then made the first few sentences as a joke, so i asked him to elaborate a little more. he thankfully obliged.

40 min after sending the bio and my images (i sent three images to choose from) the editor wrote me back:

“Just read your bio – excellent! My editor chuckled away and suggested we run it with the picture of you with the rifle!!!!!!

Top stuff, _______”

March 18th, 2008


.pool, brooklyn, ny – march 1995.

.pool, kentucky – august 1994.

.i was invited into his life and some of it’s biggest moments to that point to make photographs. his wedding, his daughter’s christening, small handfuls of random travels and some of those other moments when and where we both realized how bizarrely important the act of making photographs was becoming to us. we were never friends in the way most people are or really even all that social with each other. we just shared books, new photography discoveries and random notes scrawled on photographs to be mailed back and forth, setting in motion for me anyway, what later became the journals/letters i used to make and mail around, now i just do it here, i don’t know if it’s better or worse, it’s just how it is.

.#1RN, ny, ny – march 1998.

.i haven’t talked to b.s. since the day these two above were made, ten years ago now, maybe to the week. he had come over to see #1RN, i had just moved in. he looked around at my walls, boxes and books, said this would be a perfect flophouse for him, then pulled out the video camera and started asking me things. i remember talking to him like that camera wasn’t even there. i rambled about women that didn’t love me anymore and being scared of the future. when he let the camera down from in front of his face, his eyes were full of tears. i don’t remember the questions or what i really had to say, i just remember those couple things.

.i heard or maybe we did speak at some random point so many years ago i cannot recall it properly, but that tape was lost or otherwise recorded over, so i hear anyway.

the site is flash, to view go to:

March 17th, 2008

9 of 12.

.so last week i went looking for a negative, i stumbled across a picture i hadn’t really forgotten about, but was never worth going back to get and scan on its own in my mind. so this time happening upon it, i scanned it, all the sudden it felt worth it, quite worth it in that it struck a cord in my life this month. not because of that particular image, but it’s sister image taken years later. seeking for this ‘sister’ image then led to looking through 10 binders of badly or simply unmarked binders of random rolls of film long since neglected trying to find the matching image. the two images will be up soon. but at the moment what got me was that in finally finding this one frame of 12, there were 9 others i had to scan on that one roll, some printed and jammed into journals, but others, never touched. so here are 8 of the 9 of one roll of 12, march, 1995, brooklyn, ny and 1994, san antonio, tx. .

.the image that sparked finding these i came across because it was mixed in with the minor white film, this portrait is 13 years old, probably this week. i didn’t realize this until figuring out the dates in a random backwards manor. this is how everything seems to come together, this project or that, this letter or that journal, that story or this one.

March 14th, 2008

72 North Union St.

72 North Union St. – DOWNLOAD – 3MB PDF

One of the first things I ever remember reading about photography is loosely quoted as, “You can spend your whole life photographing the block you live on.” I cannot remember the source as I write this today, so many years later, but I do remember who said it. It was Minor White.

I was a teenager just beginning to seek the words, pictures and basic wisdom of those that made the same struggles I was beginning to experience in walking out into the world to make photographs, reacting to my life and the things in front of me. It was that sentence that pointed out to me that where I was wasn’t what was important in making a great photograph, rather it was who I was that mattered. I took this to heart and ever since, I can see no other way of looking.

Certainly subject matter plays its role, as does equipment, technique, the history of photography preceding yourself and the physical location the photographs themselves are to be made in. Many times a photograph of an amazing place is just that, a photograph of an amazing place, not really an amazing photograph. The photographs that inspire me, in making or viewing, mine or yours, are those that go beyond the amazement of the location itself, and bring the life experience of the photographer through in the image, in whatever way, escalating the impact of the image past simply the obvious amazing location.

Part of what landed me in Rochester, NY a couple years after reading that quote was the history of the photographic community that resides there, even knowing Minor White had once taught and lived there had its meaning. So when I was 21 years old (1995) and leaving Rochester, my first home in a way, one of the last things I did before I left was seek out Minor White’s home, a place were even some of his more known images were actually made over 40 years ago, 72 North Union St. I somehow found it fitting that I should go make pictures on his block since I had no block of my own. I had no camera at this point in my life, so I borrowed one I had never used before, grabbed my last 7 rolls of 120mm film, drove over, got out and shot every frame I had in maybe an hour. All walking the small area around what used to be Minor White’s home.

72 North Union St. – DOWNLOAD – 3MB PDF

.i can find no logical reason that this took me 13 years to decide to make. about a week or two ago, i sat here overwhelmed with how to make money, how to fall in love again and basically how to live life better. so i for whatever reason remember this project and decide to make scans all night long that flew in the face of everything i ‘should’ be doing. 3 random all night scanning sessions (46 scans) later and only finished mere moments ago, it’s here, ready to share a bit, because this is what makes me feel good.

March 11th, 2008

los angeles.


.i’d gone to LA on a whim from NYC. a woman i wanted since college invited me to meet her there, a woman i’d wanted for years yet never been with or otherwise even kissed, yet openly chased since meeting her sometime around 1993. i got there and it was obvious she regretted inviting me to meet her.

.i ended up at random friends of friends homes after leaving her, asleep in the other bed in the hotel room.

.this wasn’t was my first trip or whim like this for a woman i barely knew yet really wanted, i cannot even say it was the only one, certainly won’t proclaim it to be the last either.

.i never let go of hope, it would seem lately, in anything that i do, women, pictures, career, women, again and again.

.i have a handful of images from this trip now so many years ago, even pictures from a similar journey to LA less then a year ago, pictures out the windows of the car, the hotel, pictures made on lonely walks of frustration and rejection. it’s one of those sets of pictures i always mean to do something with yet never do, too many projects like this i ‘hope’ i will always get to, do something with, only to find again years later.

.this is her below, the 1999 LA girl, i’d helped her and roommate/best friend learn some location lights one day at photo school years before the LA rendezvous, many days later after this college ‘photoshoot,’ the roommate gave me this one chrome i made of 1999 LA girl, just as you see it below, this roommate knew the situation, this ‘gift’ filled my head with hope.

.i found this chrome/note from the roommate last summer in a box while looking for some other old picture, then remembered why i had these random pictures from LA that i still hope to maybe do something with. i also remembered why i kept every little picture and every little note ever given to me. the cause, the effect, the story, it makes it hurt less.

March 9th, 2008

FL, 2007.

March 7th, 2008

the first week of march, 1998.


.this was the first plan for visitor pictures. 1 roll of 24 with the twin lens out in the back ‘yard.’ there is a small handful of these i need to get around to scanning, finding, making more of and or posting. someday, laura k, KB s, frank o3, mark h, mark r, who all let me take some, will be here.

.but this image of terrence, one of the first few i made, will always hold serious gravity in my brain, maybe it’s because it’s the first place i lived truly by myself that these visitors have become so important, or because this place is so out of the way to everyone i know, that a visit just to get a picture made means so much, maybe it’s because of terrence himself and the person he is, or maybe because it was made just as our friendship started falling apart. time doesn’t heal anything. 10 years can be as fast as a blink.

March 6th, 2008


.i live in #1RN, this is my neighbor, made back in 1997 shortly after we met. rumor has it, and it’s a solidly backed rumor as far as i can tell, that before she moved into #1RS, that the book, ‘what’s eating gilbert grape’ was written in that apartment across the hall from mine, just 4ft away. rumor or not, i like to tell myself it’s a fact. she writes too, may this weird building bring us both whatever we are trying to do.

March 5th, 2008

12 / 7 / 07.

.brooklyn, 4:48:38AM + 5:07:40AM.

March 5th, 2008

dear photographer.

.blindspot is old, i got the below today, but i like how blindspot set the bar so high in directness compared to an overly uncomfortable email simply saying the same thing and asking me to give them $.

Dear Photographer:

Thank you for submitting your work for consideration for _________. _______ received 545 submissions to __________. The overall quality of the submissions was very high and the jury had a difficult time choosing the projects. We regret to inform you that your work was not accepted this year.

We are truly honored to have had the opportunity to view your submission and were moved by the strength of the majority of the projects. You are strongly encouraged to apply to __________ in the future, as different picture professionals make up the selection committee each year. This year’s jurors’ statements are available online at

You are a valued member of our photographic community, and we greatly appreciate your interest in ____________. We hope that we can support your growth as a photographer, perhaps through other programs and offerings of ___________. If you feel you would benefit from the the professional connections and discounts we offer, please join us as a ________ member. You can sign up online at http://___________________.

We wish you much success with your photography and look forward to seeing your work again.

With highest regards,

_______________ ______________________
Programs Director Operations and Marketing Director

March 4th, 2008

the system is broken.

.two parts, one day, today, tuesday, march 4, 2008.

.i hate to sound grumpy (those that know me think i always am, but really, i like to think i am a goofy jackass) or even hate to call it all systems, but really people, can anyone do anything? i’ll even admit to 90% of everything being my fault, but c’mon already. enough.


.this is from an older post, but to refresh:

i have done 41 postcards in 9 years.

so thats almost 5 a year, but i have done them as i can afford them, so some years 2, one year i think i did 10. (that year felt great, i think simpler cards, more often make the most sense, or at least feel the best to do to me, but i cannot say i got more attention or work that one year i did 10).

38,000 printed.

approx. mailed 31,000.

the printing only (no mailing cost) quantities at today’s prices:
approx = $9209.00

the mailing of say 30,000 of one just one card of various sizes at different rates, some in envelopes and some not: approx $10,000

so the approx cost of all my mailers over the years is roughly:
this is not enough, i know i know, but i do my best with i can afford.

i have had my book called in from a mailer ONE time from a new client, but the PE already new me, so the word new is relative.

in talking to PE’s at time inc, where most of my clients are, it seems almost none of them remember ever getting a card from me at all. now it could be my cards aren’t that memorable or maybe one or two got lost, but we are talking about the PE’s i actually shot the jobs for, so memorable image or not, seeing how i shot the image for them, i would think they would notice, not the case, they don’t recall ever getting the cards.

so i started focusing on email promotion, at about $15 per 500 versus $1000, it made sense and is fun, ideally, both would be a good idea. with email, i can look and see who clicked where, who opens and who doesn’t, who chose to receive more and who doesn’t.

but being how things are, most are blocked or ignored as spam unless maybe the PE actually sees it, maybe that PE actually knows my name and maybe the PE bothers to open it, maybe the PE bothers to load the images lost in the blockers.

so today, 19 clicks of 403 sent after 5h, and those are actually decent results.

it would seem to me, PE’s want to see pictures, either by those they know or those they don’t, it would seem it’s in their job description and that there should be some sort of system in place for image delivery in any form, all be it thru an inept mail room or email box, looking at a damn picture shouldn’t be so hard….. yes, i know, there are millions of cards, millions of emails, but still, LOOK PLEASE.


.this is a just a personal request to whoever is in ROMANIA using my account info, please tell me that some of these 5+ withdrawals and the thousands you stole from me are getting you fancy clothes, nicer homes, lots of beta tapes of naked people, a shinier car, whatever floats your boat, please just tell me it got you some serious joy…..

March 4th, 2008

this guy is a G-BAG.

.west 55th st. – NYC – 11:47:01AM.

.today, gray, who helped me make pictures called me a D-BAG, i heard G-BAG, both of which are the new douchebag, both of which made me laugh, loudly, as the timing was perfect. this is how we roll it seems, drinking free coca-cola and making beige rooms beautiful.

.photographed a suit today, a damn intelligent one, it was great, he was super pleasant and even joyful, one million beige conference room shoots and counting.

March 1st, 2008

visitor, #1RN = 43.

.kate, sondra, cheyenne, sid, lisha, tim, carolyn, will, jesse, amy, dan.

.new(ish) visitors to #1RN, 43 polaroids, these should match the with out you project (50 people), but it doesn’t. you’d think it’d be easy to always have polaroid around and the lights up each time someone visits, yet it just never works out that way.