Portfolio & Information & More

November 30th, 2010

238



When I Was 22 Years


At night I would keep the light on for company while I tried to sleep. When the quiet would come, so would the truth in the hearts of the whores, the pimps, the druggies and the insane that were my company in shame. It was here that I experienced the most beautiful words ever spoken. At 4am on what I believe was a Thursday, her words “I fucking hate you!” pierced the silence with such elegance that even the 40-50 dead roaches on my floor awakened just to listen. The music of that voice fell down into my room through the walls and continued until her voice simply left her. I cannot remember all that was said, only that it left me rolling in my tears until dawn because I was not the recipient of that love she gave.


CivicCenterHotel#238Spring199622YearsSanFranciscoAloneICannotTouchYou

42rolls120mm15rolls220mm62rolls35mmICannotTouchYouBloodMeICannotTouchYou

Alone7polaroidsofmineand1polaroidnotmine6stripcards1metalpinfromthedayIfirstsawPeter

November 29th, 2010

Nine


i like to tell stories | nine | 20 pages

nine
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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

November 27th, 2010

Smoke







Op Jou Rook Ek Kan Nie Asem Haal Ek Nou Verstik

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05-xi.10 | 25-xi.10 | 26-xi.10

November 26th, 2010

Slothful

On May 15, all the flags around town were at half-mast. I did not know why and I did not photograph any. From 11:59pm – 12:01am the next day, May 16, I was in the drive-thru at a McDonald’s®, procrastinating sleep, listening to a man who THINK GOD. I only made one photograph on May 16 that was not of me or my food. It was of one dog in the road on my way to become fourth of eleven in a blue goose.

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Listen Forever




One Billboard One Bird One Man One Plane

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November 22-23, 2010

November 25th, 2010

Wyomornia

Red Door, California 2009 | Red Door, Wyoming 1997

November 25th, 2010

Two Blue Pages

Two Letters I Did Receive, One Followed By Another, Years & Years Apart, Years Ago

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I had no business at this wedding, I had invited myself. I didn’t know anyone very well, but the darkroom was down and I was lonely. I caught the garter, I wanted to keep it. I hadn’t known the tradition in that moment. I knelt down and handed my Leica® to the groom. I was nervous, she was pretty and had nice legs. Only looking at the photograph now do I see how far I could have gone up her leg. I would have liked to. Like I said, I thought she was pretty and had nice legs. I imagine it would have felt nice too. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a little blond girl looking at me strangely and at this same moment, I looked into the woman’s eyes I was knelt before, she was just looking back at me, softly smiling. It is the only garter I have ever caught or put on a woman.

The little blond girl was her daughter, or was, as I understood it. This is why I stopped just above her knee.

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triumph of the swan

do it yourself doctors advanced australopithecus robustus red flannel sex in fifty six authorized abridgment early man myths tales more mystic shit mutt & jeff triumphant arch a very loud bass lightly colored lime green two by fours, four by fours suburban single houses for rent an organ, a calliope, raunchy carnival music surrounded by people all of whom are standing, staring. candy corn colored leaves straining to reach the ground held obstinately above by branches who are unwilling to lose their hold on spring. a photo-researcher fermat’s theorem le collezori giorgio armani innovation luggage a rothko a kodak rothko paloma picas for men an economy car fireplace fuel beard of grain electric catfish a leaning tower only not in pisa, a great unknown leaning tower overshadowed by pisa, a gratefully unknown leaning tower overshadowed by pisa. a red heart sent by juno to kill orion, leda nowhere in sight.



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what have i promised
and not carried through?
what have you offered
that i have refused?
your words:
shadows on my soul.
your words:
devour my heart.
your words:
confuse my mind.
what have i done?
what have i done?

you say you could
never be
just my friend;
what does… friend… mean to you?
you say you
can’t say
love… to me;
what do… i… mean to you?

oh, lover, what can… i… give
to you?
here, friend, take all my love
for you.

you hurt me, too much… friend;
a cruel word and… i… am
bleeding… friend…
please, stop.

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Two Blue Pages, One Right & One Left

November 25th, 2010

Two Spots Of Yellow


Two Women In White & Two Spots Of Yellow

November 2, 2010

November 24th, 2010

They Speak Something Else


November 23, 2010

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Listen Forever


– For the birth of Marie Wildelski.
Wiegand, her mother,
Mumme, her mother’s mother
& Ruth, her daughter.
On this day of 24 November 2010
a story by Denise,
daughter of Saleh
on the day of 12 September 2009.

November 23rd, 2010

The Birth Of June



A Bird & A Tiger Walked Into A Bar On One Woman

At The Beginning Of This, The Ninth Day Of November Two Thousand Ten, She Did Make Them Growl

Listen

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While I Was Waiting 5 More Minutes At 11:38, I Was Told There Became A New June at 09:41



Hi, How Are You. He Sings To Me:

Now The Fires That Burn Are More Than What She Started
And Now As The Story Goes Another Day Is Dying

Mr. Johnston



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“Death Can Take You For A Ride Like A Bird That’s Falling”

November 22nd, 2010

Come Se Castrato Magnificamente



Vedrò Con Mio Diletto
L’Alma Dell’Alma Mia



Il Core Del Mio Cor Pien Di Contento.
E Se Dal Caro Oggetto



Lungi Convien Che Sia
Sospirerò Penando Ogni Momento


21 Novembre 2010

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I was told, “We were in a really big part of the ocean… you were there.”



il Prete Rosso



– thank you E

November 21st, 2010

Mantener Su Mano Sobre El Arma

20 De Noviembre 2010

Sólo hay un tipo de hombre que pueda confiar, que es un hombre muerto, o un gringo como yo.

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Sólo Hice Dos Fotos De Hoy

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I was told, “I think of you in TX when I hear this song.”

November 20th, 2010

These Three Days



19 18 17 November 2010

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November 17th, 2010

You Look Like Me When I Was You


You Look Like Me When I Was You Before I Became Me

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5 November 2010 | Sixty JROTC Beside Me In Awe



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12:27:08 – 14:39:40

November 15th, 2010

4 Nov 2010


Your Camera Makes Me Want To Do Something Not Right

November 15th, 2010

HGUAL


She Asked Me To Be Her Friend When I Was No Longer Special




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I told my friend a story of some recent events.

My friend, he said, “You’re self-destructive.”

I said, “Yeah, but I am relatively healthy about it.”

My friend, he said, not laughing, “No, you’re not.”



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Charm

November 14th, 2010

No One Is My Yellow






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Three Days In November

November 14th, 2010

Uninvited

The Blessed One Next Door Says They Are Unwelcome


I Pretend They Are My Army

Saturday 13 November 2010 | Nothing To Defend And Nowhere To Invade

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17:46:24 | 17:44:59 | 17:55:53 | 17:55:20

November 12th, 2010

I Broke Your Water


I Put The Five Fingers Of My Hand In Your Water & Then I Broke The Surface As Hard As I Could

My Hand Print, Evaporating

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November 7, 2010 & November 8, 2010



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On The Television I Turned On For Just 22 Seconds, There Was A Yellow Plane


Please Press Play



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Twenty-Four Hours Of Yellow In The Violet City



– thank you E

November 7th, 2010

Knights Of Gold

Please Press Play


I Cannot Fly, But They Can

The U.S. ARMY Golden Knights Parachute Team

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I was given a seat here without knowing to ask for it. I was invited and I accepted. I was strapped to the seat by them, my cameras were strapped to the plane by them and they let me ask them what it was like to fly. Each one, one by one, they let me see them start flying and then they disappeared.


There were bits of yellow all over the sky today. This is Texas.




November 7th, 2010

I Am Not A Gold Knight

November 6, 2010

This is what I look like during a rapid, thousands and thousands of feet corkscrew descent trying to keep my ears popping before the eardrums break and giving a thumbs up to the pilot in front of thousands and thousands of air show spectators that cannot see me. I didn’t want the pain in my ears to stop the show. I was told it is best I don’t look out the windshield of the plane. I would see nothing but the ground racing towards us. I looked and it was beautiful.

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A long time before we lifted off, I was strapped in and I was not allowed up again, even when I could see what was to be. My cameras were strapped in and I was not allowed lens or memory card changes. Across from me were two other photographers and on my right, between me and the door was another. To my right was one open door and across from me also to the right was another, these doors remained open before and during flight. On the ground it was warm but up there in that sky, it was cold, really cold. In my left hand I made moving images and sound blindly while at the same time I made still images almost blindly around another and out that door, that, was, just, right, there. Out each open door I only had that brief moment to see Knights fly and I did all I could.

Twenty-four years ago I wanted to be a Knight, a Golden Knight and an injury kept me out of the military, it was not to be for me. Today, I was the closest I could ever really be. It was all I could be and when I tried to keep my ears from imploding today, my face looked like it did twenty-four years ago.

The aisle was narrow and each Knight had to pass me to fly. I made a portrait of a Knight in the door, I looked down to check it. While looking down I felt a hard hit on my foot. I panicked, I thought I had tripped a Knight, in this plane, with those open doors, right there so damn high up in the sky. I looked up and he was looking right at me, he had hit my foot on purpose. I looked him in the eye and then strained to hear him over the propellers as he pointed down towards the ground at an orange and white painted roof,

“Hey, you want to get some WHATABURGER®?”

I told him, “Yes, right after you!”

He just smiled.

Later, on my drive home, after the plane took me down, I went to WHATABURGER®. I don’t know where he ate.

November 4th, 2010

The Last Day In October



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Man

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Woman

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There Is The Man I Want To Be & There Is The Man That I Am

The Source Of My Father, In Yellow

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November 4th, 2010

I Cannot Fly

She Is The Only Woman I Know That Asks Me To Photograph Her

Yellow, Yellow, Yellow

A Broken Wing

November 4th, 2010

Secret Wings


October 6, 2010

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There were more wings than I could count in this, the place I found these. It is the most secret place I have ever been and these were the only wings I could touch. These wings had been grown, they had not been made by one’s hands like all those others in this secret place. They found me and I touched them, before I knew.

November 4th, 2010

My Father & His Shadow

My Father & His Shadow On His Birthday | An Unexpected State & Time

October 6, 2010

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My Mother Kissing Me Farewell With Wings On Her Glasses

November 4th, 2010

225



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Hillsboro, TX | October 14, 2010

– thank you M

November 4th, 2010

471 Days, The Only Screaming I Love

The Only Screaming I Love | Please Press Play

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On July 9, 2009 – I was surprised by the planes screaming by in the sky. Very specific planes. I stood in the doorway of a hotel balcony and watched as I heard her laugh in the shower lost in our conversation as those specific planes screamed back and forth. We had just met.

On October 20, 2010 & October 22, 2010 – I was surprised by the screams of she and I back and forth as those same very specific planes screamed by in the sky. I had not seen these very specific planes since that day 471 days ago and from this time forward, everything is too late to correct. No screaming of any of ours or in the sky can change anything. It was too late. Of all days, of all happenstance of places, how could this be?

A man approached me. He was larger than I am in every way and the uniform had a presence to it that was beside that of the man actually wearing it. I had made one promise to someone to not do one thing here, on this side of that fence. Do not make things here. All I could think of as I handed the uniform what I had just made was, how could I?

When I looked up in the sky and saw what I did, I had just pressed that button. It was the only thing that felt right today on a day where what I wanted and what felt right for me, was of no matter, in the biggest way there ever could be. How do I explain that to this uniform? A part of me will now be forever on the wrong side of this fence.




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November 4th, 2010

Jonathan Emergency Plan

The One Minute Before Midnight | Please Press Play Or Listen Here

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JONATHAN EMERGENCY PLAN

TO RECEIVE YOUR MAP, PLEASE TOUCH THE TITLE ABOVE OR PET THE KITTY BELOW

This Piece Of Jonathan Costs $25 Purr Song

November 4th, 2010

Red Eyes Blue Eyes Red Eyes


I had not seen them in years. I have not seen two since. I have known them 19 years.

The one I know the least, I saw the day before I left New York City. I didn’t realize it was her till after I was already staring and she turned just so. Her name came to my lips yet I said nothing as I watched her walk away, just steps away, just steps out of reach.

July 4, 2005 | July 22, 2005 | July 4, 2005

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We were on the roof of an expensive apartment that belonged to people I did not know. There were fireworks in the sky and as they evaporated into the night, everyone started leaving the roof. After a short while, it was just she and I, standing there in the dark, looking out across the city alone together for what seemed like a very long time. We occasionally told one another stories. It was that kind of night.

November 4th, 2010

Dictionary Of The Near Future

A Short Drive

DENARRATION – The Process Whereby One’s Life Stops Feeling Like A Story








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November 4th, 2010

She Asked Me To Call Her



“Lucy”


November 4th, 2010

My Left Hand & Your Right Hand

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July 7, 2010 | 600 Seconds

November 4th, 2010

I Was Taught Cognitive Dissonance



(Sour Grapes) | I’ve Never Liked Grapes & Now I Remember Why | Please Press Play

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Sometime between 4th, 5th or 6th grade, I was lying on the floor of my parents living room watching television. I cannot remember how it started, but before I knew what was happening, my mother, my father and my older brother were holding me down and one was shoving grapes in my mouth. Everyone was laughing and I can remember how awful the taste and texture was.

Tonight, this felt the exact opposite of that awfulness that was the last time I ate grapes.

November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 7, 2010

November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 5, 2010

November 4th, 2010

Two Sides Of A Peice Of Glass


 
I stayed in a hotel room once. This hotel room had a window and this window was made of glass.

Underneath this piece of glass, there was an air conditioner. One side was hot and one side was cold.

This was a long time ago.
 
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(please press play to hear and see both)


 
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November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 15, 2010

November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 15, 2010

November 4th, 2010

13, 14, 15



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September 13, 2010

September 14, 2010

September 15, 2010

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One Man & Another

November 4th, 2010

A Tiny Black Hook

2003

November 4th, 2010

One Man Waiting


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July 7, 2010

November 4th, 2010

One Man Waiting

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July 16, 2010

November 4th, 2010

0-30 MPH


2 Minutes 19 Seconds | 11 Seconds


A Day It Could Have Happened

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August 9, 2010

November 4th, 2010

8 Hair Bands

Left behind or stolen and or both, I cannot remember, the source was the same.

November 4th, 2010

The Fold Down The Middle


July 15, 2010

Where I Like To Rest My Face In The Room In Which I Lie At Night

November 4th, 2010

Three Of You Staring Back At Me


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July 9, 2010

November 4th, 2010

One Man Carrying A Load

4 Other Men Unaware




6 Days In July

November 4th, 2010

Two Different Nights In April

Two Different Nights In April I Could Only See Violet When I Looked Through The Trees

April 13 & April 4

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One night, I heard a yes, you can see and share. One night, I heard a no, only you cannot hear as I share.

November 4th, 2010

C5

I Stare In Awe Like A Child | September 21, 2010



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C5 | C5

November 4th, 2010

#1RN

2009

November 4th, 2010

Diligence

My Home & Yours

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I had heard a story of a private water boarding for erotic pleasure. I had seen a photograph on the internet I thought was water boarding. I had seen a video on the internet of a famous reporter being water boarded. All fascinated me. All I found flawed for various, different, important to only me reasons.

I wanted to know what it felt like. I had seen and heard of it done this way and that and chose the one I thought I should. The head is wrapped in plastic wrap, tightly. The head is tilted back and a small pin prick sized hole is placed in the mouth area. Then, water is trickled in this hole. If this water is not swallowed, one cannot breathe. This is the point, this is moment of panic. This is what I wanted.

In all my attempts, 7, maybe 8, maybe 9, I only experienced this panic in passing. My hands were unbound working the camera functions, I knew in my brain it was not real and I trusted who was there, completely, to not let me die. My attempts were troubling, but also flawed for various, different, important to only me reasons.

What I did not expect is what watching it did, doing it did, to the woman helping me. She asked me stop. Repeatedly. She refused to continue. Repeatedly. I saw a look on her face unlike any other.

It was one of the most complete feelings of love I have ever felt, even if she never said that love out loud while I knew her. Even when she was shaking and crying, asking me to stop.

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please press play

November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 9, 2010

November 4th, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 9, 2010

November 4th, 2010

5:45 PM, October 1, 2010, EST

What My Phone Looks Like Not Ringing









(I stole that image)

November 4th, 2010

Wellcome



2009

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Wellcome SKYN Inn

November 4th, 2010

The Frontier

One Stain On One Rim & Another On One Other One

58 Minutes

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She said to me, “I’ve never been with you in public before.”



I had been busy, I didn’t answer my phone upon all the rings and texts from my father. He never stopped trying all night. When I finally answered, he told me he was just making sure. When I told him what I was doing, he said to continue by all means. My doorbell rang two days later. The neighbor was standing there. He asked me if I smelled the odor between our homes the past day or two. I told him that I did not. Then he told me that he was just checking on me. I went outside and together we could not find the source. I lose track of time sometimes, I wish I didn’t.

November 4th, 2010

Noah Jodell’s Birth Eve

August 22, 2010




The Many Moons Of Whom

November 4th, 2010

11th Eve

One Man Standing Alone




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July 10, 2010

November 4th, 2010

New Jersey

New Jersey

Pennsylvania

November 4th, 2010

10,831 Deaths

My Name Is SARA & I Want Your Flag








2d 19h 31m

November 4th, 2010

Closed



May 12, 2010

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I had driven a really long way to see this place. I had heard so many stories, I wanted to make my own. Today, only after I arrived, did I see that is was not open. I kept going back and back till I got in. Then I did. I went in, I got out, I looked around and waited till I was dry. Then I went home.

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August 27, 2010

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November 4th, 2010

4 May 2010



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The Birth Of KH

November 4th, 2010

CJ



I got an email from her first, a friend of a friend of a friend. She asked if I would like to photograph her nude or nude and painted white or maybe in the shower or maybe all of these things. I said of course and a few weeks later without even having met each other, she was here and she let me photograph her. I didn’t tell her what to wear or what to do after that really. I just let it get quiet and awkward. I told her I didn’t really know what I would do with these or why I wanted to make them to which she simply replied, “Just look at them.” Then she smiled.

CJ – see all 30

30 of 1045 photographs | All October 5, 2008

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 2, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 2, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

The Unfair County


September 4, 2010

I stopped to make a photograph of myself and then I walked away. Moments later there was an intense pain all over my lower body and up my legs to my hips. I looked down at myself. I had unknowingly stopped in a fire ant bed. I have more scars now then I can now count. I cannot shake them off me.

November 3rd, 2010

The Parking Lot After

This is what B looked like when I asked her to shut her eyes. This is what I looked like when I heard too much.

March 27, 2010




Thank You B

November 3rd, 2010

They Fail To Understand

Small Minds Condemn Anything They Fail To Understand


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Some Days Of August 2010 | Various Rates Of Speed | Days It Could Have Happened

November 3rd, 2010

August 10, 2010

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Smoke

I Made Just One Photograph Today | 4:24:31 PM | A Day It Could Have Happened

November 3rd, 2010

C

Undated

November 3rd, 2010

K

2010

November 3rd, 2010

Three Men Staring Back At Me


July 14, 2010 | 20 Seconds Apart

November 3rd, 2010

Almost Sunset

July 7, 2010 | 7:47:32 PM | 2m 28s Till The Set

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My company and I were in a bar bet over looking the gulf. We had cheated and written our non-guess on the chalkboard in between all the other guesses for when that sun would leave us. I kept looking to the left to see that water and look for that oil out there from this idealistic town of wealthy white people. I had never been here before but had seen this place once in a movie. I wanted to photograph the view. I like sunsets. Between that water and I she sat, in front of my bar stool view. The first time I put the camera to my eye, only after putting my camera to my eye, I noticed she was looking at me and touching her own breasts sitting right there at the table. I put my camera down and pretended I hadn’t noticed. I waited a few moments and turned to try again, this time she was again looking at me and whispering to the older man next to her, once again, looking right at me. I tried one more time to see my view and made the image above. I photographed right at her this time, damn that set.

Two minutes and twenty-eight seconds then passed.

It was now 7:50 PM, my company won the bet, a free drink. It was collected and again we sat on our bar stools. I turned one more time to make a photograph and she and her group were now gone. At 7:52:39 PM I made a photograph of that water and looked for that oil out there from this idealistic town of wealthy white people.

November 3rd, 2010

Story Of The Toy Theater



I Do Not Know If I Am Her Toy Or She Is My Toy

&

I Am Learning To Find This Beautiful


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July 5, 2010

She Will Never Tell Me Or Otherwise Let Me Know

November 3rd, 2010

Brother

My Brother Standing Near A Monkey

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July 4, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

The Source Of Me



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July 2, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

I Will Always Be A New York Knight


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November 3rd, 2010

Her Diamond Band (After)

The Hand Of My Grandmother 29 Years After The Death Of My Grandfather


DIES SOLIS XI JULIUS MMX

November 3rd, 2010

Two Trees & Two Bunnies

Oxygen Makes Things Green


DIES SOLIS XI JULIUS MMX


November 3rd, 2010

Waiting In The Green



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July 2, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Niagraochester

1998

November 3rd, 2010

West Chester


1993

November 3rd, 2010

This Pretend Of Mine

Story May 1, 2010 With A Photograph From Many Years Prior

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She took my hands and placed them where I did not know I was allowed to place them. How do they make their skin feel the way it does, there is no other feeling, or scent, quite like it. It lingers and when I say it lingers, I mean that I like it and that it feels nice. Nothing else about these moments I can say bring me joy, not even a little. Yet there I am. I can make up reasons why, but tonight, well, would it make a difference…

It was only a place to be that was not where I am, well, so I shortly pretended. This pretend of mine, it was so thin it was invisible.

November 3rd, 2010

Nightfall


July 4, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Plastic Calligraphy

(this story has been removed)

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July 19, 2010

Daily Drop Cap by Jessica Hische

November 3rd, 2010

I Was 4 Months Older

Between The Time I Made These

November 3rd, 2010

My Birthday

Two Women Whose Eyes Appear Closed On My Birthday | 2009

542 Days Ago, I Could Not Have Imagined What 190 Days May Bring

November 3rd, 2010

Decemberune



November 3rd, 2010

115 of 130

October 30, 2010

In June, 126 days ago, I shot my last competition before today. Shortly before that, something happen that changed how my brain saw targets. I had just had the best competitions I ever had, I went from A class, to AA, here in Texas. (Just understand, that is not easy and that many people who want to, cannot). In that last competition in June, I was 51st of 86 competitors. In 6 of my competitions prior to this, here in Texas, before what changed how I saw targets in June, I was 2nd, 3rd, 1st, 2nd, 2nd and 4th.

I have shot less than 200 targets since June, when I used to shoot 250 in a day.

A man I had never met to my east, who I consider a friend, was going to nationals. I’ve been to nationals 4 years in a row. Now I live here and I had no intentions of attending until he told me he was. I signed up for one competition, I wanted to meet him. We met and he watched me practice. I missed, a lot. I told him I just needed to wake up and that maybe my focus would come. Then shortly before our separate competitions were to start, we parted ways to clear our brains. When I got to my car to go from practice to real, he had left this on top of my car, it was a surprise. That’s the kind of man he is.

Today, I shot a 53 of 100 targets. I was 115th of 130 at Nationals. (Unofficially)

A year ago, at Nationals, same event, I shot an 87 of 100 targets, I was 4th of 92. (Officially)

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This is what the more expensive half of a $12,000+ shotgun looks like sitting in the sun on a dashboard of an empty car next to mine in Texas. I noticed this as I packed mine away, put the all the different locks all over it then drove home and put it in a deep closet. I have no competitions scheduled.

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November 3rd, 2010

Before


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7 Minutes

November 3rd, 2010

“The Handy Box”



Facts Of King Edward

November 3rd, 2010

The Source Of My Father

The Source Of My Father Seated Before Me, Waiting In The Green


Two Men Alone Waiting Not Near Another | August 15, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

100 Yards

One Bird In Flight | August 16, 2010

Before I slept and after I awoke I photographed birds in flight, not 100 yards from where I last photographed a bird in flight on the last day of the month of my birth. I then went the opposite direction of my home to a place where no home would welcome me. I made photographs in this place all day but only 3 for me in this city I’ve barely met. When I entered my chariot to return home, it informed me it was 109 degrees. I cannot be sure but that may be warmest temperature I have experienced. Inside me my blood was boiling.


Two Birds In Flight | August 15, 2010

Two People Having Their Portrait Made | 75 MPH | August 16, 2010


The Portraits I Made That Day It Could Have Been | 0 MPH | August 16, 2010

I Was There

November 3rd, 2010

Some Space Between Here & There








June 30, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

I Am A Print Of My Mother


July 9, 2010

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All The Prints I Have Left Evaporate

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 8, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 8, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

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July 8, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

My Sharpest Scissors

East – 1999

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We had been together almost a year when she left. I never see it coming, even when I think I feel it. She knew I made photographs when we met and many years later when we connected, she knew and watched me make many more, of her, all the time. The last time she contacted me first was right after she left, she wanted to come over to my home, for she had a request.

My buzzer rang and I let her in. It was like it never was between us and for me, it felt awful. I knew I couldn’t tell her no, about anything. I opened the black box on my desk and handed her my sharpest scissors. She sat down and started going through page after page of my negatives. I never made contact sheets and never have, I always just edited directly from my negatives. Now I was watching her do the same. When she got to a negative she didn’t want me to own, that she wanted to take back, she started cutting. Edge to edge, like a shredder, over my garbage can. I sat there a few feet away, just watching. I didn’t know what to say and what she was doing seemed as odd to me as allowing me to photograph her in the first place, certainly if this is all that was left that she wanted from knowing me. I wanted to ask her, why, if she doesn’t like what I make or how I make it, was she ever even here. Then as I was about to ask, I realized, the answer wouldn’t make her stop cutting and it wouldn’t make her love me back. So I waited for her to finish as quietly as I could.

When she was done, she just looked at me and said, “The box you keep your negatives in is really beautiful.”

Then she left.

I saw her one more time at a party I then abruptly left. I think I saw her two more times in the streets of New York City, but it was from far away, so I cannot be sure it was really her. In the next ten years of living in NYC, I avoided her neighborhood the best I could, even after I heard she moved away many many years before.

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Where One Orange Wall Meets Another Orange Wall, Underground – 1999

1997 – I had just moved to New York City, I was broke. It’s the same story you’ve heard again and again. At one point I thought I was going to have to leave. So I dropped work off at MOMA for review and hunted down everyone I wanted to meet. One of these people I sought out was a photography book designer. She had just designed a book of boxers by one of my favorite photographers. So I sought her out and found her. She shared a space with the guy who printed for an even more famous photographer we all know of. The space and the people in it seemed icons to me and I wanted to meet them. Learn something before I maybe had to leave. So I called and shockingly enough, the designer agreed to meet me. I brought her my latest boxes of photographs of this and that, and one I wanted to make a book of, even had a dummy of this book ready to share. A book of photographs of portraits and landscapes revolving around the only woman I had known and loved to this point in my life. A woman in Texas I kept returning to, again and again, year after year. No matter what happen in her life or mine, when I came to Texas, we were together and I photographed it.

I stepped into this classic New York space and showed her the images. I can remember her looking at each one. I can remember her being polite and interested. All I can remember of the conversation today, was the one question she asked I couldn’t clearly answer. She said that the photographs were interesting and well made, but who cares? A woman left me and I felt bad and made photographs about it. It happens all the time, to everyone, someone they love leaves. So what.

All I could think of at the time and in the moment, was, she is right. I went home and put the book on the shelf and more or less abandon it. I’ve made photographs in some of my relationships since and some where I did not. But I never made a book about a woman I knew I would never see again, after she was gone, again.

I don’t know why it took me so long to know, that the reasons she said who cares, is exactly the reasons I want to make a book like that, again. Maybe I miss understood her point.

November 3rd, 2010

The Purple I See In My Father



November 3rd, 2010

I Caught Myself

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Today at dinner with friends, there was an empty chair. I caught myself turning to talk to you where that empty chair was. Today while driving home alone, there was an empty seat next to me, I caught myself turning and talking to you out loud.

We ate together countless times, we only drove together once.

November 3rd, 2010

His Gold Band



31 Years

November 3rd, 2010

Her Diamond Band



31 Years

November 3rd, 2010

Papaya Park | XVI


July 4, 2010

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Waiting

November 3rd, 2010

22 Seconds


June 27, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Two Men At Two Intersections

Two Men Standing Alone At Two Intersections | 4 Hours Apart, 1/2 Mile Apart

August 17, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

My Ears Filled With Water

One Man Standing Alone








July 21, 2010

Tonight I said the worst thing I have ever said to someone, I didn’t want to believe it.

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I said this out loud, to them, while I was lying on my back staring upwards in a very dark room.

My Ears Filled With Water | 9 Photographs I Also Made This Day

This day I was also bitten to have my blood drained, 9 times.

November 3rd, 2010

Dots & Feathers







A Day It Could Have Happened

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July 29, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Live Laugh Love


July 14, 2010

Everyday

November 3rd, 2010

One Woman & Two Men Waiting

August 7, 2010

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August 7, 2010 | 6m 12s Apart

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August 8, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

I Like To Eat Goldfish

November 3rd, 2010

Dixieland




July 26, 2010

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This is the land of my blood, this is how Texas loves me.

November 3rd, 2010

Papaya Park | XVII









July 8, 2010

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Waiting

November 3rd, 2010

Green Girl Island

July 5, 2010






November 3rd, 2010

Water, Earth, Fire, Air

My Mother

July 9, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Standing Alone

July 19, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

As Deep As I Could



I read the label, it clearly stated, “WARNING: Do not inhale or put in mouth!”

July 23, 2010 & July 24, 2010

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November 3rd, 2010

So I Made Some More

Today I was again taught that the most beautiful things of which I am capable of creating, that I wholeheartedly always give away, have no effect on why their existence actually happen.


So I made some more.


I threw my phone down.
I ran to the window.
I tore down the curtains.
I forced that light inside my eyes.
I waited for my phone to ring, again.
It did.

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One Woman Holding A Phone Waiting, One Little Man Playing, Only Hours Before

A Day It Could Have Been

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All July 30, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Mail Day

HUGE DISCOUNT | August 12, 2010


Speaking of sticky fingers…

You bit my ass?  I totally didn’t remember that…

Imagery Analysis Squadron

You will process imagery and produce imagery by-products collected in the support of the U.S. government involvement in the Open Skies Treaty.

We received your application material for the vacancy referenced above.  Although you possess excellent credentials, another candidate has been selected whom management feels is more suited for this specific position.

Recommendations in Drama

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We are looking for images of the city ________ in California:
-inner city images, historic downtown
-mayor ______ ______
-________ __________ (__________Police Officers’ Association President)

I NEED YOUR HELP with the SEO (search engine optimization)
In a nut shell the more people who check out this site the better I will be rated on Google.
The more attention my site gets, the quicker I will be found and get business.

If you have a few computers at home, at work, or even smart phones, ETC please do this from all them!!!!
If you can forward this email to friends, post on Facebook ETC. it would be sweet.

You recently updated your Customer Contact Information; we want to make sure that was what you wanted to do. If you’re aware of this change then you don’t need to do anything else – we just wanted to let you know. Contact us immediately if you did not make any changes

Ruben Natal-San Miguel wants to be friends with you on Facebook.

It’s archaic torture by barbaric methods only in use due to a myopic “sick-care” system run by greed and ignorance.

Combining adventure travel with an opportunity to improve photographic skills for people at all levels has been an appealing combination.

Alcanza Photo (AlcanzaPhoto) is now following your tweets on Twitter

From June 2007 to April 2010, Independent Diplomat provided expert advice on diplomatic strategy to Mehmet Ali Talat, the President of the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus (TRNC), in his efforts to create a united federal state on the island of Cyprus.  This followed the failure of the Cyprus settlement plan proposed by Kofi Annan in 2004; which Talat had successfully urged the Turkish Cypriots to approve, but which the Greek Cypriots had voted against.

What a strange, amazing photo. I love those three, four fingers. I was just thinking about fingers.

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November 3rd, 2010

Sasha

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July 5, 2010 | 62 Seconds

November 3rd, 2010

Grandview


DIES SOLIS XI JULIUS MMX

November 3rd, 2010

5 Seconds


DIES SOLIS XI JULIUS MMX


November 3rd, 2010

I Saw You Bleed



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I Saw You Bleed More Than Any Other

October 2008

November 3rd, 2010

That Gold Was On Fire




July 8, 2010 | 1996 Seconds

November 3rd, 2010

Through Your Glass


I Cannot See Through Your Glass, Even With Both Eyes


July 16, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

One Man Walking Alone

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July 15, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

The Frontier



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June 29, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

The Lines On My Face



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Today I received lines on my face I did not ask for.

June 28, 2010

November 3rd, 2010

Uniques

i like to tell stories (1 of 5) | 164 pages of paper + glue + 10 pieces of lead

i like to tell stories (two, three, four, five, seven, eight) | on someone else’s floor

November 3rd, 2010

Ret Cannot Hear You


Ret | June 27, 2010



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November 3rd, 2010

Your Right Eye | Peek (er) s

I Was Not The Architect

A Long Time Ago



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November 3rd, 2010

The Lengths I Now Must Go

The Lengths I Now Must Go To In Efforts To Protect Myself

&

The Lengths A Different Really Far Away Other Other Must Go To In Efforts To Protect Themselves From Myself

– – – please press play – – –

November 3rd, 2010

My Brother’s Daughter & I

May 25, 2010 | My Brother’s Daughter & I

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There is restaurant I go to far too often. I cannot say I like the food, but it is close, it has a television (I do not) and there is always someone there I have seen before – even when I do not know them or want to. Yes, I go here when I am lonely.

The first month or two I did this, the same waitress was always helping me. She knew my order, she always smiled when she saw me and always told me just how she was feeling, even when it wasn’t the answer it seems a waitress should give, if only for the business.

As I walked in one day many many, many months ago, I told myself that if she was here today, I would ask her how she was, (as I always do – and mean) and then if feeling right, ask if I could buy her a meal, maybe meet me somewhere that was not this place, for something, anything. She was the kindest woman I had met here yet and there was no ring on her finger, I had checked.

She took my order and seemed down, so I asked,

“How are you, do you have the blues?”

“No.” She responded. “Being pregnant just sucks sometimes.”

I stood there a moment, perplexed, looking at her belly. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t know.

I just learned she made a man.

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A month or two later, I was again at this restaurant. There was a woman in front of me with tattoos on her legs, interesting ones. I thought maybe she had more and I wanted to photograph them. So I asked her & she let me, right there. She said she would be into being photographed more and that she was a dancer. We had a really nice conversation. I wanted to have more and did not see a ring, I had checked. I gave her my card and she became someone I know on a social site. A day or two went by and I went to her page to send her a hello.

There, on the top of her profile, her latest update:

“What kind of man leaves his pregnant wife stranded with no gas because he is too busy “jamming” with his buddies to help? I sure can pick em! Selfish ASSHOLE.”

I sat there a moment, perplexed, remembering her belly. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t know.

I never sent her the note I meant to and I never liked guys that “jammed” either.

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The lonely I have is not the one I have chosen for myself.