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March 11th, 2008

los angeles.


.i’d gone to LA on a whim from NYC. a woman i wanted since college invited me to meet her there, a woman i’d wanted for years yet never been with or otherwise even kissed, yet openly chased since meeting her sometime around 1993. i got there and it was obvious she regretted inviting me to meet her.

.i ended up at random friends of friends homes after leaving her, asleep in the other bed in the hotel room.

.this wasn’t was my first trip or whim like this for a woman i barely knew yet really wanted, i cannot even say it was the only one, certainly won’t proclaim it to be the last either.

.i never let go of hope, it would seem lately, in anything that i do, women, pictures, career, women, again and again.

.i have a handful of images from this trip now so many years ago, even pictures from a similar journey to LA less then a year ago, pictures out the windows of the car, the hotel, pictures made on lonely walks of frustration and rejection. it’s one of those sets of pictures i always mean to do something with yet never do, too many projects like this i ‘hope’ i will always get to, do something with, only to find again years later.

.this is her below, the 1999 LA girl, i’d helped her and roommate/best friend learn some location lights one day at photo school years before the LA rendezvous, many days later after this college ‘photoshoot,’ the roommate gave me this one chrome i made of 1999 LA girl, just as you see it below, this roommate knew the situation, this ‘gift’ filled my head with hope.

.i found this chrome/note from the roommate last summer in a box while looking for some other old picture, then remembered why i had these random pictures from LA that i still hope to maybe do something with. i also remembered why i kept every little picture and every little note ever given to me. the cause, the effect, the story, it makes it hurt less.