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November 3rd, 2010

My Brother’s Daughter & I

May 25, 2010 | My Brother’s Daughter & I

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There is restaurant I go to far too often. I cannot say I like the food, but it is close, it has a television (I do not) and there is always someone there I have seen before – even when I do not know them or want to. Yes, I go here when I am lonely.

The first month or two I did this, the same waitress was always helping me. She knew my order, she always smiled when she saw me and always told me just how she was feeling, even when it wasn’t the answer it seems a waitress should give, if only for the business.

As I walked in one day many many, many months ago, I told myself that if she was here today, I would ask her how she was, (as I always do – and mean) and then if feeling right, ask if I could buy her a meal, maybe meet me somewhere that was not this place, for something, anything. She was the kindest woman I had met here yet and there was no ring on her finger, I had checked.

She took my order and seemed down, so I asked,

“How are you, do you have the blues?”

“No.” She responded. “Being pregnant just sucks sometimes.”

I stood there a moment, perplexed, looking at her belly. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t know.

I just learned she made a man.

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A month or two later, I was again at this restaurant. There was a woman in front of me with tattoos on her legs, interesting ones. I thought maybe she had more and I wanted to photograph them. So I asked her & she let me, right there. She said she would be into being photographed more and that she was a dancer. We had a really nice conversation. I wanted to have more and did not see a ring, I had checked. I gave her my card and she became someone I know on a social site. A day or two went by and I went to her page to send her a hello.

There, on the top of her profile, her latest update:

“What kind of man leaves his pregnant wife stranded with no gas because he is too busy “jamming” with his buddies to help? I sure can pick em! Selfish ASSHOLE.”

I sat there a moment, perplexed, remembering her belly. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t know.

I never sent her the note I meant to and I never liked guys that “jammed” either.

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The lonely I have is not the one I have chosen for myself.