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April 26th, 2008

4/17/08, 3:58:07 PM.

I was waiting on the train platform playing with my camera, listening to music in my headphones and avoiding the group of teenagers hanging out nearby, hoping they’d leave me alone and not ask what I was doing photographing the bushes and rocks. They didn’t.

My phone rang and I knew it was you. I had been hoping to hear from you and kinda hoping I wouldn’t as I was scared of what you had to say. I knew you had another doctor’s appointment today to take even more blood and do even more tests. I knew you received results from the last blood test today too. I could hear the fear in your voice when I answered. I could see you shaking a little, trembling, and stuttering on the other end of the phone in my mind. Your voice never lost it’s calm yet I could sense the panic just under the surface in your mind through it. The doctors had no answers, they didn’t know what it was causing the problem, they only presented more possibilities of one dire thing or another. They could only take more blood and make you wait, again.

I didn’t really know what to say to you to make you feel better, relax you or let you know how much I worried for you too, so I kept making pictures while I listened to you talk to me through my headphones. I thought all I can do is stay calm for you and not let you hear or sense the panic in my mind, so I calmly kept making pictures while we spoke.